By Jennifer Matsui
You are no doubt dismayed by the public outrage that has greeted your decision to adopt a baby boy from Malawi - a country that most people in the West probably only know from the ad campaigns of charitable organizations showing sickly babies covered in flies, while being watched over by your former wedding guests, now sockless and stubbled with earnest three day beards.
I imagine that you are shocked, truly shocked that anyone would
question your decision to remove a child from such unimaginable suffering as
having Bono and Bob Geldof breathing down his crib. And what kind of person
would condemn someone so young to a life of grinding poverty, especially
someone with millions at her disposal; a loving "mammy" who will tote her
little 'mchanga' around in a 1,200 thread count batik Snuggly specially
designed for him by Tom Ford himself, and provide him with every consumer
item under the less skin-damaging sun
Little David Banda is the luckiest boy in the world, you repeat to yourself 666 times a day while fiddling with your little red thread bracelet, because that's how every self-serving mantra eventually becomes truth. It's written in the Khabible. One minute little whats-his-name is languishing in a overcrowded, under funded orphanage in one of the poorest nations on earth, and the next minute he's soaring over the ocean in a private jet to make his new home on a palatial English estate, where he will be tended to by a complete staff of servants and diapered in monogrammed Pampers.
even sweetened the deal with a complete DVD box set of 'The Lion King' so
that he can immerse himself in African culture. You would think that would
shut up those annoying people who think removing a child from his own people
and culture is somehow a bad thing, even if said culture hasn't yet invented
pots to piss in.