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The World of Wrongevity

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by Will Durst

George Bush is as wrong as Wyoming sushi. And he seems stubbornly determined to continue to be wrong in a no brakes in a tank, down a hill, headed for a boy scout camp before the break of dawn sort of way. He was wrong about Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction. He was wrong about Iraq’s ties to Al Qaeda. He was wrong when he told the UN a mobile weather van was a chemical lab on wheels. He was wrong to call an invasion of a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 part of his war on terrorism. He was wrong to squander our national good will on a neo- comical ideological misadventure. He was wrong about us being greeted with flowers and candy, unless by flowers and candy he meant suicide bombers and improvised explosive devices. He was wrong about how long it would take, how much it would cost, how many troops would be needed, the kind of armor required and eating a pretzel without dunking it in beer first.

Firing the Iraqi Army and allowing the looting of an ancient civilization’s artifacts while protecting the Oil Ministry… ill- advised. “Mission Accomplished?” Misguided. “Bring it on?” Wrongo exponential factor 13. When Omar Bradley talked about fighting the wrong war, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong enemy, he was predicting Bush. Expecting a Democracy to spring up from soil drenched with the blood of ancient sectarian hatreds- critical goof. “The insurgency in its last throes.” Erroneous. The rest of the world supporting us. Inaccurate. Creating more terrorists than he’s killing. Iniquitous. Which means wicked wrong. 

Counting on Iraqi President Al- Maliki to exhibit the will to succeed- delusional. “They hate us for our freedoms.” Nope, sorry, that’s counterfactual: they hate us for our guns and our bombs and the fact we act like our God hid our oil under their sand. Declaring anybody who disagreed with him is working for the enemy- not right. He was mistaken about Iraq falling into sectarian strife, then denying it’s a civil war and we are actually winning, ooh, buddy, that’s so, what do you call it, imprecise. The only thing he’s gotten right is being born a Bush and declining to hunt with Cheney.

He was dead wrong when he okayed torture, stupid wrong spying on Americans, and just plain wrong declaring wartime gave him special powers unless he’s been bitten by a radioactive spider and hasn’t exhibited any detectable symptoms yet. He was wrong with “stay the course” and wronger when he argued he was never a big fan of “stay the course.” He was disingenuous to ignore the November 7th wake up call that could have rolled Pete Townsend right out of bed. And incorrect to reject the suggestions of the Iraq Study Group so completely you wonder if he even read them or had anybody read them to him with his chin under the covers.

But now he speaks to the nation to announce his next plan- The New Way Forward- which involves- sending more troops. Are you kidding me? That’s how he gets out of a hole? More shovels? Some therapists maintain the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Describing exactly what we can expect for the next two years living in the President’s wild and wacky not so wonderful world of wrongevity.

Comic, writer, actor, former radio talk show host and bus boy at the Bright Angel Lodge, Will Durst, is pretty darn sure 837 wrongs don’t make a right.

Catch Durst in stand up mode at Sketchfest at the Purple Onion in San Francisco, on January 19th & 20th. for details. And listen to his twice weekly commentaries

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